Fun fact: the opposite of “Oriental” is “Occidental.” Occidentals — also known as white people — seem to have forgotten this (they call themselves Gaelic or some other weird tribe). Remind them! Call ketchup Occidental sauce. Reassure them that you have many Occidental friends, and like Occidental music, Occidental food (a lie, but a harmless one), and you’re okay with the Occidental religion. Imitate the sounds of the Occidental language when you see them to make them feel welcome. Ask them if it is true that they eat rotten milk and the flesh of swine. Do not make a face when they say yes.